Transcript
Narrator:
Welcome to The Adopting and Fostering Home podcast. Whether your family has been on this journey for years or you’re just getting started, we’re here to support and encourage you along the way. Now your hosts, Lynette Ezell and Tera Melber.
Tera Melber:
Welcome back to the Adopting and Fostering Home podcast. I’m Tera Melber, along with Lynette Ezell, talking today about praying for our chosen children. I don’t know about you Lynette, but I wasn’t too far on this adoption journey until I realized I could not handle this on my own, that I would need Jesus for every breath.
Lynette Ezell:
Totally agree. Totally agree. Too many times I found myself like Peter, my heart was right. I wanted to take a big leap of faith out on the water and just run to Jesus, but I’d get so distracted by the world’s opinions.
Tera Melber:
Yes.
Lynette Ezell:
The world’s mold for my child or how they should be growing or succeeding, or their criticism of the decision we made to adopt distracted me. I just get worn down. Also, by sleepless nights I grow so weary.
Tera Melber:
Right. Those sleepless nights make your brain hurt.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah. I would just begin to sink in desperation.
Tera Melber:
Yes. I’ve heard you talk about, before, about your greatest sinking moment. Would you mind sharing that with the families that are listening?
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah. Sure. My greatest “I’m sinking Lord” season hit when Kevin and I traveled to Ethiopia to bring home our daughter. She was three years old at the time, and we could not wait to get our arms around her.
Tera Melber:
I remember that time well because I had just returned from Ethiopia with our son, and it was a really wonderful, sweet season for our two families to walk together. But it was not an easy one.
Lynette Ezell:
No. It was very difficult. You’re right. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, like in our mind. We knew that it would be a challenge, we knew we’d have to rely on the Lord, but there’s so much, Tera, we didn’t know. Right?
Tera Melber:
That’s so true.
Lynette Ezell:
Much of what we didn’t know hit us in the face that very first night when we were given possession of our precious daughter. We just began to run a bath for her, and it was her first warm one ever. We were so excited, she was excited. But nothing could’ve prepared us for the sight before us. Her little body was so undernourished and so worn and tattered that all I could do was, I started to give her a bath, was just to hold her and try to absorb some of her pain. At that moment, Tera, I knew that I was beginning to sink. I kept doing the motions, but on the inside, I knew that I was beginning to sink, because I couldn’t erase or fix the pain that she was carrying as a little three year old. I just reached out to the Lord and I just didn’t let go.
Tera Melber:
You can’t.
Lynette Ezell:
No.
Tera Melber:
You can’t. Many times you do just have to go through those motions, but internally you’re just hurting so badly for your child and you don’t know what to do.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah. The Lord began a very humbling journey in my life that night, as He showed that in the midst of my fear, in the midst of the unknown, that He was still God, and He had a plan for this child’s life. This was much bigger than us just traveling to Ethiopia and adding to our family, and that He wanted me to draw my strength for Him alone. I had nothing to bring to the table, I knew that that night. I felt completely helpless, so I just leaned closer into Him.
Tera Melber:
Practically speaking, what did that look like?
Lynette Ezell:
I had been teaching Old Testament at our high school at the time, so I remember going through Lamentations and just seeing the richness of those Old Testament books. I remember Lamentations 2:19 instructs us to, “Pour out your heart, like water before the face of the Lord. Lift up your hands toward Him for the life of your children.” Now that command is there for a reason. God’s word is clear that prayer moves the hand of God. So at night, I’m very simple. As my little one lay sleeping in her little twin bed, I would just get down beside her bed and I would bury my face in the carpet, and I would just pray. I mean, intentional, passionate praying.
Tera Melber:
That is right in the line with God’s word, because it reminds us that the prayer of a righteous man or momma-
Lynette Ezell:
There you go.
Tera Melber:
… Is powerful and effective. James 5:16 says that. I also remember you telling me that you often journal and write down much of what you’ve prayed over the years. I do the same. I have a prayer journal that’s the same one I use every year. This morning, I was even looking back at what it was I praying for the kids this year, last year and this year. So I know you do the same. But recently the Lord impressed upon your heart to share a few of those prayers that you’ve prayed over the years. So what’s the plan to do that?
Lynette Ezell:
Well, I recently compiled a short booklet of seven specific needs that I feel are vital as we pray over our chosen children. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone else would even care to look at it or give it any attention. Sometimes you and I speak at adoption conferences, that sort of thing, and so I would take these with me. I found that mommas appreciated the simplicity of it, and were just using it … It’s just a beginning point. They were just using this little booklet as a launching pad for praying over their children.
Tera Melber:
But I feel like the simplicity of it is what’s the beauty of it. Is that many times we feel so overwhelmed, as moms that are struggling in our lives-
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right.
Tera Melber:
… And we don’t know where to begin. Many years ago I was listening to Charles Stanley on the radio. That was my go to as I’m working around the house, to listen to someone preaching online. So I was listening to Charles Stanley, and he was often talking about praying God’s word for the people that you love. I guess I had at that point, 20 years ago, I had never really thought about that. But that’s what I see in this booklet, is taking God’s word. You can’t not pray God’s will if you’re praying His word for your children.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right. Absolutely. That’s right.
Tera Melber:
I see the first one you have listed in the booklet is entitled Eternity. Explain that one.
Lynette Ezell:
Well, I don’t want to go to Heaven without my children. I want to take them all with me.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
I asked big. “Lord, I want to take all of them.” When I speak at a conference, I say, “Lord, I pray over every woman and every child in this room that all of our children would come to the Lord.” So that’s my first goal. I start the booklet saying, “You put your child’s name in that this child would come to know you as your savior and love you passionately. Open, Lord, the understanding of his heart so that he will trust you eternally. Lord, help this child … You put your child’s name in there, you make it very personal. But help this child to believe your word and surrender his life to you, and then please give him the will to be faithful and follow the leading of your spirit all of their days.”
Tera Melber:
I love that.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s my starting point on the prayer for my children.
Tera Melber:
That’s the whole point of raising children, is to be arrows that are shot out into this world for the glory of the Lord. So we want to start with, “Lord Jesus, save them at a young age.”
Lynette Ezell:
Oh yes.
Tera Melber:
Even if they came to us when they were older, “Lord, soften their heart toward you and your gospel right away.” I also see though, which this is probably my favorite, is that you included a daily prayer for momma as well.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah, momma needs prayer.
Tera Melber:
So why is that?
Lynette Ezell:
Well, when parents pray, when I pray, I’m acknowledging my inability, and it affirms my dependency on the only one who can shoulder all this. Right?
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell: The only one that can truly shepherd our children’s hearts.
Tera Melber: Oh gosh, that’s so true.
Lynette Ezell: I can try and get them inline on the outside, but the Lord is working on their hearts, and He’s the only one that can fix a broken heart, can bring salvation. So it removes the idea that these children are mine, that these children of ours. Are children belong to Him. Scripture says children are a heritage from the Lord.
Tera Melber:
Fruit of the womb for reward.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior-
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right.
Tera Melber:
… Are the children of our youth.
Lynette Ezell:
Perfect. Prayer reminds us to abandon our plans for our children’s life so that as parents, His perfect plan is all we desire for our children. So daily, purposeful praying for our children quiets parents fears.
Tera Melber:
That is so true. The prayers that you’ve shared are obviously from a deep place in your heart. You’ve included praying for family attachments, healing for their past, healthy relationships and friendships now and for their future. But I particularly love this one. A hope and a future.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah, love that too.
Tera Melber:
Jeremiah 29:11. Why did you include this specific prayer?
Lynette Ezell:
Well, I think it’s vital that our adopted children grasp the truth that the Lord has a plan for their lives, right?
Tera Melber:
Yes.
Lynette Ezell:
No matter what their past may have dealt them. The enemy’s going to lie to their mind and tell them they’re not worthy. Jesus says you are worthy.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
We need to help them live in that hope, so that they have a passion to move forward in Christ perfect design for them. Not just a good design we come up with, but with a perfect design that Christ has for them. But, keep in mind, this is warfare. You are entering warfare. The enemy, he just doesn’t want to see any of our children serve Jesus. Warfare will come, it will, so be on your guard. Right?
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
But God is greater.
Tera Melber:
He is. We have to constantly be prepared. The Lord did not give us the passage of scripture to put on the full armor of God if we didn’t need it. I often pray, when I’m praying for our kids, Lord, that we would be passionate warriors for the Kingdom.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s good. We need to add that one.
Tera Melber:
But as a passionate warrior, you don’t go to battle without being prepared.
Lynette Ezell:
No.
Tera Melber:
You don’t go fully just walking out without your armor on. You have to be fully prepared. You’ve got to prepare your mind, you have to prepare your heart. So we have to know that there’s a spiritual battle for the souls of our children, and that we have to go to battle on their behalf until they become believers, and on their behalf on after that, they’ll persevere to the end.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right. The enemy will work overtime, Mom, parents, to rob of your time on your knees. But God wants to steer our lives forward. How many times, Tera, did we talk about, keep moving forward?
Tera Melber:
Keep moving forward.
Lynette Ezell:
Keep moving forward.
Tera Melber:
We need shirts that say that.
Lynette Ezell:
I know it. Train our hearts to trust Him despite the circumstances. You may be having a rough day, you may be thinking, “This isn’t working out, this child’s going to tank.” That’s not truth. Keep moving forward, in the Lord, and keep moving forward through prayer, because that’s how He moves us forward. He does this, He moves us forward in prayer, as we seek Him daily. Prayer trains the mind to trust and to rest.
Tera Melber:
Right. These prayers and the passages of scripture that you’ve put with each one, they’re not just for the first six months that your child comes home.
Lynette Ezell:
No, absolutely not.
Tera Melber:
They’re not for the first year. Do you find that there are seasons of time that you’re praying one thing heavily for one child as another? I feel like every time I turn around, there’s some different nuisance that’s going on in one of our children’s lives. Good grief, I pray these things for our biological children.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
Some of these things. I just find that there are different times in their lives that I feel like I really need to hone on something specific, like attachment or relationships or healing from their past. That there’s times in their life that they’re struggling with one issue or another, and I can really hone on, this child really needs this prayer at this time.
Lynette Ezell:
Right. Because all our kids will struggle at some time. It’s not respective of age. They all struggle at some time, but talking, planning, worrying, calling our mommas, that’s not praying.
Tera Melber:
Right. It’s not.
Lynette Ezell:
It’s not praying. That’s just worrying and talking. Right?
Tera Melber:
Right. Prayer is a spiritual discipline.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
So when you were talking earlier about that the enemy wants to rob our time on our knees, just like the discipline of exercising and eating right, things that are not … We don’t really wake up in the morning just dying to do, prayer is a spiritual discipline that we have to choose every day, to be able to pray. Sometimes we’re so desperate that we’re face first on the ground before our children, lying beside their bed and praying. But prayer is a discipline that’s every day. When things seem to be going well, you can’t stop praying.
Lynette Ezell:
No, no.
Tera Melber:
Because the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy our families.
Lynette Ezell:
I understand, praying takes time, and prayer is work. Oswald Chamber says that, My Utmost for His Highest, “Prayer is the work.”
Tera Melber:
It is.
Lynette Ezell:
It’s part of the plan. But we serve the one true living God who never panics. He never grows weary. He’s always waiting for us to bring our concerns and our cares. Keep asking, keep knocking, keep seeking, keep bringing that to his feet. So when you tuck them in at night, cover them in prayer.
Tera Melber:
Yes.
Lynette Ezell:
When they walk out the door, pray a hedge of protection around them. The hardest thing about parenting to me, and I still say this, is when they get those driver’s license and they get in the car …
Tera Melber:
And they drive off.
Lynette Ezell:
They need crash helmets. And they drive off.
Tera Melber:
Bubble wrap.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah. Bubble wrap and crash helmets. But when they walk out that door, pray a hedge of protection around them, around their car. When they are paralyzed in their pain, or a memory comes up that just hits them out of nowhere, open your hands and pray over your children. Pray them through that time. Pray with them.
Tera Melber:
Jesus holds us and our children in his loving, nail-pierced hands.
Lynette Ezell:
He does.
Tera Melber:
Because of that, we can rest and we can trust in him. One of the other specific prayers that you have is on attachment.
Lynette Ezell:
Oh yeah.
Tera Melber:
I know that that’s sometimes you feel like that’s a prayer that we need to have early on, but attachment is a lifelong journey.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes it is. It is.
Tera Melber:
It is.
Lynette Ezell:
I just pray, I just ask the Lord that this child would attach to our family and learn to trust us, as he learns to trust his heavenly Father.
Tera Melber:
I love that you also put in here that they would love their siblings, and that the Lord would bind their hearts to their siblings.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah, we did that early on. We were adopting these two little girls that didn’t look a thing alike, and came from different parts of the world, and we said, “Lord, would you just bond their hearts?” People comment on these two. We just had some sweet family staying with us over the weekend. Early the morning, we were having coffee before our girls got up, and he just said, “I’ve never seen two girls so bonded, who love each … ” We’re in the teenage years.
Tera Melber:
Your girls could not be more different.
Lynette Ezell:
No.
Tera Melber:
And yet their hearts are so bound together with that sisterly love.
Lynette Ezell:
They are.
Tera Melber:
It’s really a neat thing to see.
Lynette Ezell:
Only the Lord can do that.
Tera Melber:
That is exactly true.
Lynette Ezell:
Then I pray to help them in that attachment, to help them sleep peacefully, because when a child is attached, they can calm down. So they can live confidently knowing that they are loved and safe.
Tera Melber:
To live confidently. For us, I like the mom prayer in this one. To help me be the adult in the room, and not respond in anger should our child react from pain or grief.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
Because the reaction that could be negative from pain or grief is not a personal attack, it’s them learning to cope and deal with the things that are coming up in their minds.
Lynette Ezell:
You know, sometimes I added this on the momma part, too, we just have to say, “Lord, would you deepen my love for this precious child? Would you bind our hearts as mother and child?” I say this, I pray this with the kids a lot. We just affirm, “We trust you Lord to do this, because we can’t do it. We trust you Lord in this.”
Tera Melber:
That is exactly right.
Lynette Ezell:
A verse that I add in there, I add some scripture at the end. I just love this for families. We had this on the wall for a longtime, Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. Just as in Christ, God forgave you.” That is so needed in the attachment process.
Tera Melber:
Right. The picture of us continually pursuing and loving our child, even if initially, or maybe even later on in life, we feel rejection from them.
Lynette Ezell:
Right, right.
Tera Melber:
We just still have to continue to pursue and to love.
Lynette Ezell:
Well, again, this is just a beginning point to praying for your children. Guys, this isn’t the all in all. This is just a launching pad.
Tera Melber:
It’s such a great starting point.
Lynette Ezell:
Thank you. You may want to add it to your prayer time already, and just add it as the Lord leads you, as your children walk through different seasons of life. Because as kids go through puberty and they go through different seasons of maturity, different issues can come up.
Tera Melber:
Even young adulthood, when they leave your home. These prayers continue on with them through adulthood.
Lynette Ezell:
Right. But releasing our children to the Lord in prayer abandons our independence and affirms our daily dependency upon his strength and his power.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
Psalm 116:2 says, “Because he bends down to listen … ” That’s so personal. Because he bends down to listen to me, Tera, every morning at 6:00 A.M., I will pray as long as I have breath.
Tera Melber:
Right. It’s the intimacy with the Father, the prayer time that we have.
Lynette Ezell:
It is.
Tera Melber:
So we pray with a purpose.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
We pray with perseverance, with passion and with a plan.
Lynette Ezell:
This could be a great starting plan. If you want to join Tera and I, and pray the prayers in this little journal, if you want to get a copy, we’ll help with that at the end of this podcast. But write in it, make it your own. Lay it at His feet each day, and call out your children by name. Journal the prayers that the Lord lays upon your heart to pray for your children. He will add much more than what I’ve done here. You’ll begin to see the Lord, as you said earlier, answer those prayers as you go back and look at them.
Tera Melber:
I love that. This morning I was looking specifically at one prayer that I’ve been praying for one of our children, and I’ve seen … It was such a faith builder for me to think, “Wow. A year ago, I was in the depths, praying this prayer, and this is how the Lord has worked through that.”
Lynette Ezell:
Well, Jesus loves you, momma, and He is working for an eternal purpose that our limited vision cannot see. But you know what I love about praying is that there’s rest there. There’s rest to be found as we take our lives, our children’s lives, our daily living to Jesus each day. He listens and he rules with our good in mind.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
Time and prayer, for me, Tera, is like a little healing balm when my soul is so weary. I can keep going.
Tera Melber:
That’s right. That’s right. Well, man, I sure do appreciate you Lynette. You always point me to Jesus and you sharpen me-
Lynette Ezell:
You do the same for me.
Tera Melber:
… As my friend.
Lynette Ezell:
So we really do appreciate you all joining us today. On behalf of Lynette and I, we just want to thank you for that. If you would like to use this small prayer booklet Lynette has written, to begin praying for your children, or just to add to your prayer time, we’ve included a link to the show notes for this booklet for you to be able to download and print at home, and other resources that you may find helpful. You’ve been listening to the Adopting and Fostering Home podcast, a resource of the North American Mission Board. We look forward to continuing this journey with you, and we hope that you’ll join us again next time.