Transcript
Announcer:
Welcome to the Adopting and Fostering Home podcast. Whether your family has been on this journey for years, or you’re just getting started, we’re here to support and encourage you along the way. And now your hosts, Lynette Ezell, and Tera Melber.
Lynette Ezell:
Hi, I’m Lynette Ezell, and I’m here today with my good friend Tera Melber. We each have six children, three of whom were adopted on both sides. We share that common denominator there, and we are here today, beginning these podcasts. Today is the beginning one, and then those that follow, we just want to be a hope and encouragement. Maybe some families are considering adoption, considering foster care, to get past some fears, or the, “I can’t do this,” because I’ve been there.
Tera Melber:
One of the biggest helps I think, over our journey for the 12 years that we’ve known each other, is that the more we meet women and men who are wondering whether or not they should jump in the fray, is that when we start sharing their stories, they think, oh these are real people, real families, with real issues going on. Their kids are misbehaving, just like mine.
Lynette Ezell:
So, normal?
Tera Melber:
Yes. So, our stories encourage them to think, I could really do that. I could do that.
Lynette Ezell:
Right, right. What I learned quickly, Tera, you and I learned together, is that you can’t do it alone.
Tera Melber:
No.
Lynette Ezell:
You need people beside you. You need help, you need encouragement. Of course, prayer is a solid foundation. So, the journey requires a strong relationship between husband and wife, strong friends, I think strong church support.
Tera Melber:
Absolutely.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes, we just can’t do it alone. We need lots of wisdom, discernment, prayer, and time alone in God’s word. Absolutely.
We want to be with you on the journey today, Tera and I both do. And, keep in mind, we also want to hear from you. We want to interact with you, we would love to hear your questions, and try to help you in any way that we can. So, you can connect with us at [email protected] or you can contact Tera at [email protected]. Those addresses will be in the show notes for you to jot down, so just let us know your questions. Listen, even your fears. Prayer requests, any questions you have, we’ll be happy to help.
So, Tera, let’s get started. What would you say to those parents as they begin, or consider the journey of foster or adoption?
Tera Melber:
Well, for us, the Lord kind of placed that desire in our hearts totally separately.
Lynette Ezell:
Oh, yeah.
Tera Melber:
We had talked about being on the mission field, and going overseas. We love to travel, and I said, wouldn’t it be neat if someday we were on the mission field, and we were able to adopt a child from the country in which we lived? That would be really amazing. So, as David was continuing through seminary, those things, we had three little kids, and he was in seminary. We weren’t thinking at that time, about expanding our family. But, he took a mission trip to Moldova, and when he was there, they went to this big state run orphanage. It had about 600 kids in it, and the day that he was there, he noticed that there were children leaving that looked a little bit older.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah.
Tera Melber:
He was asking where are these kids going? They had a little knapsack, and the people were saying, “well, it’s their 16th birthday, they’re leaving.” He said, “Well, where are they going?” and they said, “We don’t know. Well the fact of the matter is, that most girls internationally, that are in orphanages that leave the orphanage, are going to be into prostitution, or human trafficking, or that the girls, or the boys, will be into drug use.” And David just came home shell-shocked.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
Like, you know, you’ve been given now, this information, and you can’t not do something about that.
Lynette Ezell:
Great point.
Tera Melber:
So, we just started thinking, wow, how do we get involved in this? And, we had three little kids at the time, and we liked being parents, we wanted a bigger family, and David said, “Tera, it’s our turn.” I had no idea what that meant.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
We lived in a teeny small town in western Kentucky. I knew maybe two people as an acquaintance who had adopted, but I didn’t know them well enough to say, okay, I don’t know how to do this, you’re gonna have to help me out. So, as we started praying individually, seeking the Lord individually, for our families, then the Lord began to unite our hearts as to what exactly we needed to do.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
And the Lord used that trip in Moldova, to really guide us. As he always does.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right.
Tera Melber:
We thought that’s where we’d end up bringing a child home, and it didn’t turn out that way. He guided us to the Philippines for our first adoption, but it was that moment where the Lord said, put a stake in the ground, I’m getting ready to rock your world.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
I’m doing things behind the scenes that you have no idea about. But it all started with the Lord prompting our hearts.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
And then, individually seeking him, and then coming together and saying, “What’s the Lord telling you? What’s the Lord telling me?” And then, “How do we do this?” Because the fact of the matter is that the Lord brings us together, united in marriage as one.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
And, sometimes one of us is a little further ahead.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
And then sometimes the other needs to pull us back a little bit. So, if the Lord brought you together in marriage, he’ll unite your hearts. There’s no room for manipulation from, most of the time girls, you know it’s from us. There’s no room for manipulating that situation because the Lord’s timing is perfect.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
So, when people are considering the journey, at the beginning, I say, “Okay, something has obviously prompted you, but now you two need to seek the Lord individually, seek some wise counsel from people that you might know that are in the fray already, and then come together and say, alright, this is what we’re getting individually, now tell us, Lord, what you want us to do together.”
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah, and our story was a little different on how it happened for us. We had problems … I had a hard time carrying a child to term, and so we had those losses. Then we moved to a small town. Kevin took his first pastorate outside of seminary. We moved to a small town in Tennessee. So, I knew one family who had done adoption. Didn’t know them well, they were in a different denomination. We really admired them. But the Lord began working in our hearts on adoption as well. I remember coming to Kevin with it that day. So we applied to South Korea to adopt. We were so excited. Through much prayer knew that this was the right timing, only to receive a letter a week later, saying you two would be a great couple for adoption, we’re on board, but you’re too young.
Tera Melber:
Oh, that stinks.
Lynette Ezell:
I know, so we filed those papers away, and in the time of waiting for me to get older, which was goodness, ten years later, twelve years later, the Lord gave us three biological children very close in age. Our middle school daughter began praying, and she really got a heart for adoption, and I remembered that file. We had never closed that door, we had even helped a foster child in the meantime get a home and had kind of been a middle family for her. So, our hearts were open to that, and then we just really had a lot of discouragement though, as we began that process.
Tera Melber:
Oh, yeah.
Lynette Ezell:
Lots of discouragement, couldn’t find answers. I remember driving home one time from a meeting. Kevin and I had had with a children’s home, and we were so discouraged we couldn’t even talk. We both knew that God was leading us to do this, but we couldn’t get answers.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
It wasn’t his timing yet.
Tera Melber:
Exactly.
Lynette Ezell:
It wasn’t right yet, and I remember the next day, just praying in the shower, you know, holy ground, and asking the Lord. “Lord, my hands are open, my heart’s open before you, what do you want us to do?” And he began to reiterate to me, “This is not about you.”
Tera Melber:
Exactly.
Lynette Ezell:
This is about what I’m doing. This is about how I’m working in the world, and I’m bringing people to myself.
Tera Melber:
And, he already had sweet Libby chosen for you.
Lynette Ezell:
He did. He did, and we later, as you all know, went on to China, and began our journey there in China. But you know, that’s the best advice I hear you saying. That you and I can give, is prayer. And, just beginning in prayer, and then not manipulating, letting the Lord work.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
Ask questions, take steps. I always tell people, take one step toward adoption or foster care. Fill out one piece of paper.
Tera Melber:
I’ll never forget. We were driving in Louisville, back off Dupont Circle, and there was a Jewish Center, and they had this bulletin board that said, adoption information. And I said, we had all the kids in the car, I’m like, step on the brakes! Get a packet, whatever you can find! And we just got this folder, and I can remember sticking it in the filing cabinet, and it was several years before we even took the next step, but we just started gleaning information as much as we could, to try to figure out, okay Lord, we know that we’re supposed to do something. We don’t know what it is. And, the frustrations that you get when you feel like you’re hitting roadblocks, it’s just part of the Lord’s sanctifying of us through the process.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes. Yes.
Tera Melber:
So, this whole journey of caring for vulnerable children is not just about the end result. There is no end result when you’re a parent.
Lynette Ezell:
Right, right.
Tera Melber:
But, it’s about what the Lord does, and how he grows us through the process, as well as growing our families.
Lynette Ezell:
Right. And, it is a journey, and we do need one another.
Tera Melber:
Yes.
Lynette Ezell:
But, when children are not brought into a home, we know they’re vulnerable, we know that adoption is the earthly picture of what Christ has done for us. Thinking back to Romans, thinking back to what the Psalmist wrote, what Isaiah said, bring my children from afar. So, God builds. He’s in the business of building families.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
So, if we can journey this with other couples, what a blessing that will be.
Tera Melber:
We always say, it’s not … When the Lord created Adam and Eve in the garden, His plan, you know, the perfect plan, is not a broken family.
Lynette Ezell:
No.
Tera Melber:
But, because of the fall, there is brokenness.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right.
Tera Melber:
But the Lord redeems. So as he grafts children into our families, he is redeeming children’s stories, he is redeeming our story, and he’s showing us, this was my plan all along. It’s not, you know, my plan was not broken families, that’s not what I had in store. But, I can take anything, and restore from the loss that these children have, I can restore.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right. That’s right. You know I think God’s command to care for the fatherless is so compelling, because the need is so great. And that’s why we wanna do these podcasts. We want to be an encouragement, we want to help people to take that first step. We want to help them move beyond fear.
Tera Melber:
That’s right, and you know, many of you, who are considering adoption or foster care, you’ve heard these statistics before, but they just grow and grow, that there are approximately 153 vulnerable children, world-wide, ranging from infants to teenagers, they’ve lost one or both of their parents. They’re with their grandmother, they’re with a neighbor, they’re struggling. And, on any given day that there are approximately 415,000 children in foster care.
Lynette Ezell:
Wow, in foster care.
Tera Melber:
Right here.
Lynette Ezell:
13,000 in our state alone.
Tera Melber:
In our state. That is crazy, and only 3,500 foster homes available for those 13,000 children.
Lynette Ezell:
My goodness.
Tera Melber:
So, despite these big huge numbers, there are really only about 135,000 children that are adopted in America every year, from foster care, domestic agencies, family members, and other countries. It’s crazy.
Lynette Ezell:
And, behind each of these numbers is a child.
Tera Melber:
That’s right. That’s why we are really praying that our conversation today will stir the hearts, will inspire pastors and lay people to adopt, to foster, to start movements within their churches. This is not something that is just for your pastor to do.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
It’s not for your staff to do, this is what the Lord has called all of us to do.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
James 1:27 says we are to care for widows and orphans in their time of need, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
And the fact of the matter is, that when you step into that fray, you can’t be stained by the world.
Lynette Ezell:
No. Because you’re so busy, you don’t have time to be stained.
Tera Melber:
It’s true. But your thoughts are not on yourself. You’re not inwardly focused. And, you have to lean so much into the Lord, because you can’t do it on your own. So you’re leaning into the Lord, and you’re doing his work, and that is what I believe that Jesus’ brother was telling us, that’s gonna keep you unstained from the world, because your focus is not on you.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right. I remember the Lord making that so clear to me that day when I was driving, and just praying and driving and crying. Lord, you know our hearts. You know that we want to bring other children into our home, we don’t even know where to begin Lord.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
And he just reminded me, it’s not about you.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
It’s not about you. It’s about a ministry I’m building. You and I got to share a unique time.
Tera Melber:
We did.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes, it started about 14 years ago, and you and I were members of one church. I’m gonna let you, you directed that ministry, so I’m gonna let you start with that.
Tera Melber:
Oh, that was so fun. I’ll never forget the first time that we met you, and our daughter Mary Tess, whose Philippian, saw Lynette, and said with her very broken English, “Oh mommy, I want you to have black hair like her.” I’m like, “Oh baby, that is not gonna happen. I would look kind of scary.” But, that’s how the Lord kind of drew us. She was so drawn to you, and your dark hair, and then seeing you with Libby, because we had moved from a very small town, there just was not a lot of international adoption, so when she saw another family that had a mommy and a daughter that didn’t look the same, she was super compelled. So that started tons of conversations with us to where we sat down and said, “What can we do?”
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
So, at that time, how many people at Highview had adopted?
Lynette Ezell:
Well, one family, and they moved on.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
So, we really didn’t have a family that could help us navigate this, and so we were the first family. We brought Libby home, and I think because Kevin and I are incredibly transparent, we’re just who we are, people looked to us, I really believe this, and said, “If they can do it, goodness, we can sure do it.”
Tera Melber:
That’s so funny.
Lynette Ezell:
And so I’m convinced that the Lord used our simplicity and he used us with guards down. We’re approachable people, I’m grateful for that, just for our simple upbringing. I grew up in a home where there always an extra or two. My mom was always taking in a cousin, or a step-sister, whatever, and was living with us. And, did it well, not perfect. We were a low-income family, but she just showed us how you keep your arms open.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
So, when we begin to see that happen at Highview, the ministry almost got bigger than what-
Tera Melber:
Wow, it was crazy. When we started, we just said, “We’re gonna start small. We’re just gonna see if maybe the church can help provide grants, or small no-interest loans for families to get started,” and so we said, “We’re just gonna really start small.” Then we started having these considering adoption classes twice a year.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
Which were like 5-week classes that covered everything from God’s call, to be a part of the lives of vulnerable children, and see what you can do to help, all the way to what’s a home study, what are the different options of how we can get involved. So, it was this 5-week class, and some classes we’d have one couple, and we’d meet them at Starbucks. Then some classes, we’d have 20 couples.
Lynette Ezell:
That’s right.
Tera Melber:
And not all of those couples moved forward with adoption or foster care, but that’s okay.
Lynette Ezell:
They became aware.
Tera Melber:
Right. So, they supported our families, through prayer, through babysitting our other kids, through taking them a meal when their kids came home, to having big airport parties.
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
Everybody just saw, “Hey, we can all do something. The Lord’s called us to do something.” So, through that ministry, over an 8 year time period, we had over 120 kids come home.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah. I remember our preschool at our church looked like United Nations preschool. It was just beautiful.
Tera Melber:
Right. Kevin used to say, “It’s like the International House of Pancakes down there.” But it was awesome. They were domestic infant adoptions all over the world, and foster care.
Lynette Ezell:
Older children.
Tera Melber:
Older kids, younger kids. It was really an exciting time, and it was super fun for our families. From children in the preschool to my mother-in-law, she’s almost 87 years old, saying “Okay, well, I can go to the yard sale and pick up some baby clothes.”
Lynette Ezell:
Right.
Tera Melber:
So it was everybody getting excited about it and wanting to be a part. And it was neat to see this great movement that didn’t come- it came from the top, in the sense that you guys were who you are, and Kevin was telling stories about the kids from the pulpit, and that you’re downstairs serving in the nursery, so people saw you, and so in that sense, it came from the top, but it wasn’t Kevin pushing it. He just said, “Go with it.”
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
Whatever you girls wanna do, just do it.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes, just get out of the pew and do something.
Tera Melber:
Get out of the pew and do something.
Lynette Ezell:
Everyone can do something.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
You know, as we close our time today, let me encourage you to see this as a process.
Tera Melber:
Yes.
Lynette Ezell:
Tera, you said 8 years. It took us 3 years to bring home our first child.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
How long did it take you to bring home your first child?
Tera Melber:
Mary Tess was 14 months from start to finish. She was older, so because she was older, she was placed more quickly. She was two weeks from her 7th birthday when she came home.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah, and Kevin and I have adopted a child at a year old, a child at 3 years old, and a child at 11 years old. So, we’re anxious to share more of that with everyone. But, it is a process, and you just start small with that first step.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
Fill out one application. Make one phone call.
Tera Melber:
Ask questions.
Lynette Ezell:
Go ask a family fostering or an adoptive family one question.
Tera Melber:
Right.
Lynette Ezell:
Meet them for coffee. Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone, and just begin to ask questions, because everyone has a story, and we just need one another, to encourage one another, and then let the Holy Spirit move.
Tera Melber:
Yes.
Lynette Ezell:
Let the Lord work out the details but keep moving.
Tera Melber:
Yes, keep moving. I was reading this morning in Joshua 3, about the priests, and they had to pick up the ark and step in the Jordan before-
Lynette Ezell:
Take a step.
Tera Melber:
Take a step, and get your feet wet.
Lynette Ezell:
Yes.
Tera Melber:
So, the Lord was asking them, they knew there was a command, they knew they had to do something, he said, just go.
Lynette Ezell:
Yeah.
Tera Melber:
Then once you get going, I’m gonna show you one step at a time.
Lynette Ezell:
Right, one step at a time. He doesn’t show us the tomorrow, he didn’t even show us where the next check’s coming from to pay the next fee.
Tera Melber:
That’s right.
Lynette Ezell:
So, we just have to be faithful and keep moving ahead. But it starts the conversation, and Tera, I’m so grateful for you. I can’t go deep into that, or I’ll start crying. I’m so grateful how the Lord merged our lives.
Tera Melber:
I know. Well, it’s my prayer that together, we’ll be able to share our experience as a way to prepare families for what the Lord has for them in the future.
Lynette Ezell:
Right. Absolutely. I could not agree more.
We look forward to sharing more of our journey in the days ahead, and that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for joining us.
Announcer:
You have been listening to the Adopting and Fostering Home, a resource of the North American Mission Board. For more information about today’s podcast, and other relevant resources, visit namb.net/sendrelief
